To grow faith you speak it into existence. You grow it by planting a seed that you water with your words. Regardless of your awareness, you plant several seeds eVeryday. You decide with your word choice whether weeds or flowers will bloom in your life. Deep ain't it!!? We decide our lives! We can choose to be passive or we can choose to be actively positive. I'm sure one could choose to be actively negative, but why speed up your demise by watering weeds of your own destruction. All these truths swarmed around my head as I thought about the way I discuss my relationship. I could here myself saying, "This isn't going to work" "My feelings confuse me" "I'll never be able to trust him" when I realized I was planting seeds of failure into my relationship. I needed a change.
In the midst of our confusion
I say things are clear
I speak what I want to see
Instead of what i feel
My words are the container of energy that heal our situation
They blow life into the relationship we develop
The foundation of sweet fellowship
I let flow from my lips hope happiness and fulfillment
Words that encourage and empower
Words that helps us to enter into a divine intertwining of our spirits
A love story that touches the hearts of all those that hear it
Something rare long standing and sweet
Words that defeat all forms of worldly deceit
I speak trust over lust
I let a spring flow from my lips that springs patience over anger
I speak against all words that would endanger God's plan
I speak against everything that would yield me incapable of being your women and you of being my man
From your rib came me
With my lips I set us above all things worldly
I place us back in the first garden of tranquility
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Post Graduations Fears with respect to Robert Frost
I received my diploma in the mail yesterday. The strangest feeling came over me as i cracked open the tube. I had anticipated feelings of joy, happiness, pride in my accomplishment...I had even anticipated feeling sadness that my journey had come to an end. What I had not anticipated was fear, but that is exactly the blanket that covered me as I stared at the piece of paper...fear...fear of what led ahead, fear of disappointing myself and my supporters, fear of the future. I felt my self at a crossroad....
Walked across the stage
Into the yellow wood
Two roads diverged ahead
Contemplating my route long I stood
One road was decorated with approval
Along the side supporters stood
Reason pushed me forward
But my heart turned feet to planted wood
Traditional and Unconventional
The street signs read
Heart and Mind
Each one lead
In a different direction
Father time at my back
Leaving only moments for reflection
Dodging stone hard questions
I choose
to follow hearts path
to never look back
and I'm sure that'll make all the difference
Walked across the stage
Into the yellow wood
Two roads diverged ahead
Contemplating my route long I stood
One road was decorated with approval
Along the side supporters stood
Reason pushed me forward
But my heart turned feet to planted wood
Traditional and Unconventional
The street signs read
Heart and Mind
Each one lead
In a different direction
Father time at my back
Leaving only moments for reflection
Dodging stone hard questions
I choose
to follow hearts path
to never look back
and I'm sure that'll make all the difference
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Big
even when I tell myself not to think about you I do
I wonder if you being constant in my thoughts means my feelings are true
other women in your life got me feelin like I'm in competition
it ain't me I don't compete I dismiss them
take myself off the scene let you make a decision
1st day I haven't talked to you in a minute
hope you think about your day and miss me in it
sittin here thinkin about what happens if you don't
wondering if I'm hoping in vain for something that won't...happen
does the possibility of an us weigh heavy on your phsyce
some nights I lay in bed and my thoughts fight me
I have to get up, get my pen, and get to writing
the only thing that brings sleep
is knowing what's for me is for me
if we're meant to be then we'll be
can't think of a time in my life where the end result hasn't been the best thing
I wonder if you being constant in my thoughts means my feelings are true
other women in your life got me feelin like I'm in competition
it ain't me I don't compete I dismiss them
take myself off the scene let you make a decision
1st day I haven't talked to you in a minute
hope you think about your day and miss me in it
sittin here thinkin about what happens if you don't
wondering if I'm hoping in vain for something that won't...happen
does the possibility of an us weigh heavy on your phsyce
some nights I lay in bed and my thoughts fight me
I have to get up, get my pen, and get to writing
the only thing that brings sleep
is knowing what's for me is for me
if we're meant to be then we'll be
can't think of a time in my life where the end result hasn't been the best thing
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
How are you?
I hate when people casually ask me How are you?....I always lie and give one of the expected answers..I'm fine...Doing good...Great..Good...OK...Alright...etc.. etc.. the list goes on you get the picture. I wish every time someone asked me How are you I could just give an honest answer.......
You ask how are you but you don't really care
You want a light fluffy answer like the clouds in the air
What would you say if I said (insert your name) I'm scared
Scared of the future and scared of right now
Scared I'm making mistakes and i don't know how
Scared cause I feel and can't always explain it
Scared of a new relationship because I know there will be pain in it
Scared that I'll never be good enough for me
Scared I'll never reach the potential others see
Scared that I'll never experience love
Scared my actions will leave me below and not above
Scared that He won't say my servant well done
Scared that when He says "Be Still" I'll involuntarily run
Scared that my degree won't jump start my career
Scared that I'll be afraid to try bounded by fear
Scared that fear of failure will keep me from success
Scared I'm not good enough not even my best
Scared of the saying "everything good must come to an end"
Scared of the end before we begin
Scared I'll get what I want but it won't be what I need
Scared I won't find my version of the American dream
Scared that when you ask How are you I'll never be able to answer honestly
You ask how are you but you don't really care
You want a light fluffy answer like the clouds in the air
What would you say if I said (insert your name) I'm scared
Scared of the future and scared of right now
Scared I'm making mistakes and i don't know how
Scared cause I feel and can't always explain it
Scared of a new relationship because I know there will be pain in it
Scared that I'll never be good enough for me
Scared I'll never reach the potential others see
Scared that I'll never experience love
Scared my actions will leave me below and not above
Scared that He won't say my servant well done
Scared that when He says "Be Still" I'll involuntarily run
Scared that my degree won't jump start my career
Scared that I'll be afraid to try bounded by fear
Scared that fear of failure will keep me from success
Scared I'm not good enough not even my best
Scared of the saying "everything good must come to an end"
Scared of the end before we begin
Scared I'll get what I want but it won't be what I need
Scared I won't find my version of the American dream
Scared that when you ask How are you I'll never be able to answer honestly
Love's Chances
As much as it hurts I knew we had the same chances maintaining a relationship as I did finding a four leaf clover
Reason and logic tell us that the chances of finding a true love are far and few in between
Yet and still it hurt a true pain when reason and or relationship collided
If I ever walk down Love's aisle again I'll read the warning label twice before I buy it
I'll inspect it twice before I try it
Because I realize you get no refunds no money back
You can try to fix it but you'll probably end up throwing it in the back of the closet with other stuff that broke before you could predict the end was coming
I guess I have that midget love syndrome
My capacity for Love's growth is super stunted
I can't fall deep enough too shallow my conscious won't allow it
Flings are predictable so with them my vision is clouded
They aren't filling though
So hungry I crave for more
But even when it looks good I'm scared to eat
Wondering if the love won't just fill me but somehow leave me morbidly obese
Even more than getting too full I'm scared you'll leave
Somehow no longer pleased with what you see in me
Scared I'll find my pride bent and on my knees I'll beg that you don't go
Karma real and long fetching
When love became my guest I showed it to the door
Now I sit petrified the same will happen to me
Reason and logic tell us that the chances of finding a true love are far and few in between
Yet and still it hurt a true pain when reason and or relationship collided
If I ever walk down Love's aisle again I'll read the warning label twice before I buy it
I'll inspect it twice before I try it
Because I realize you get no refunds no money back
You can try to fix it but you'll probably end up throwing it in the back of the closet with other stuff that broke before you could predict the end was coming
I guess I have that midget love syndrome
My capacity for Love's growth is super stunted
I can't fall deep enough too shallow my conscious won't allow it
Flings are predictable so with them my vision is clouded
They aren't filling though
So hungry I crave for more
But even when it looks good I'm scared to eat
Wondering if the love won't just fill me but somehow leave me morbidly obese
Even more than getting too full I'm scared you'll leave
Somehow no longer pleased with what you see in me
Scared I'll find my pride bent and on my knees I'll beg that you don't go
Karma real and long fetching
When love became my guest I showed it to the door
Now I sit petrified the same will happen to me
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Sometimes
Sometimes right isn't a direction but rather a rejection of wrong
Sometimes the ability to be weak is better than being strong
Sometimes the fear of losing is all you need to win
Sometimes I don't need air or water but I'll die without the pen
Sometimes I feel like an outcast trapped inside this cast called a body
Sometimes I find a peaceful solitude surrounded by everybody
Sometimes it rains but the sky stays blue
Sometimes a little polish can make whats old feel new
Sometimes with open eyes the vision is clouded but with closed eyes my vision becomes clear
Sometimes you become the head by taking pride in being the rear
Sometimes my mood changes with the weather
Sometimes i let it all go floating on nothingness like a feather
Sometimes I fail the quiz but I past the test
Sometimes 2 answers are technically correct the trick is choosing the best
Sometimes life seems short but there's always time for change
Sometimes I cry when I'm happy other times I smile through the pain
Sometimes for the sake of peace when its not my fault i accept the blame
Sometimes......
Sometimes the ability to be weak is better than being strong
Sometimes the fear of losing is all you need to win
Sometimes I don't need air or water but I'll die without the pen
Sometimes I feel like an outcast trapped inside this cast called a body
Sometimes I find a peaceful solitude surrounded by everybody
Sometimes it rains but the sky stays blue
Sometimes a little polish can make whats old feel new
Sometimes with open eyes the vision is clouded but with closed eyes my vision becomes clear
Sometimes you become the head by taking pride in being the rear
Sometimes my mood changes with the weather
Sometimes i let it all go floating on nothingness like a feather
Sometimes I fail the quiz but I past the test
Sometimes 2 answers are technically correct the trick is choosing the best
Sometimes life seems short but there's always time for change
Sometimes I cry when I'm happy other times I smile through the pain
Sometimes for the sake of peace when its not my fault i accept the blame
Sometimes......
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
My Only Man
The only man in my life has always had a wife
he's been God fearing and loyal my entire life
raised in the IL states projects
bettering himself became his project
balling out of a sense of desperation above every situation the streets dealt
while I slept he worked
while I played
he stayed in the streets chasing his dreams teaching me what entrepreneurship means
ain't been too many an event he hasn't attended
tried to let another take his place a broken heart he mended
even though he works all night and legally hustles all day
he made time for every church play
brought home doughnuts for every first day
never missed a birthday
critiqued my outfits and shook the hand of every date
treated me like a princess
worked until he could tuck me into bed in a castle in the middle of suburbia
he picked out my first prom dress
even in times when my behavior must have disappointed him
the look in his eyes lets me know he believes he's blessed he made me
with my head buried in his chest I realize how blessed I am God gave him to me
on days when his body must be tired and he should lie down
he stands he pushes he still has so much more to give
everyday I thank the heavens I am his
his expectations have fueled me
his teaching and discipline have molded me
his love and direction watered the seed until the seedling became a tree the girl became a woman ME
so i have no reason to look twice when half a man hangs his head out of something nice
unoriginally trying to explain that with him I can have whatever I like
there's nothing over the course of my life that hasn't been provided for me....more than twice
that's why I set my expectations for men so high
I've been blessed with the presence of a real man my entire life
I won't settle for less when for decades I've freely experienced more
I won't even imagine trading the man who stands with me here for one who doesn't at least strive to compare
he's been God fearing and loyal my entire life
raised in the IL states projects
bettering himself became his project
balling out of a sense of desperation above every situation the streets dealt
while I slept he worked
while I played
he stayed in the streets chasing his dreams teaching me what entrepreneurship means
ain't been too many an event he hasn't attended
tried to let another take his place a broken heart he mended
even though he works all night and legally hustles all day
he made time for every church play
brought home doughnuts for every first day
never missed a birthday
critiqued my outfits and shook the hand of every date
treated me like a princess
worked until he could tuck me into bed in a castle in the middle of suburbia
he picked out my first prom dress
even in times when my behavior must have disappointed him
the look in his eyes lets me know he believes he's blessed he made me
with my head buried in his chest I realize how blessed I am God gave him to me
on days when his body must be tired and he should lie down
he stands he pushes he still has so much more to give
everyday I thank the heavens I am his
his expectations have fueled me
his teaching and discipline have molded me
his love and direction watered the seed until the seedling became a tree the girl became a woman ME
so i have no reason to look twice when half a man hangs his head out of something nice
unoriginally trying to explain that with him I can have whatever I like
there's nothing over the course of my life that hasn't been provided for me....more than twice
that's why I set my expectations for men so high
I've been blessed with the presence of a real man my entire life
I won't settle for less when for decades I've freely experienced more
I won't even imagine trading the man who stands with me here for one who doesn't at least strive to compare
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Change
They say change is optional I made the choice to change but it seems like its impossible possibly this is all I can be accept or reject me......I wrote that once but ToDAY I decided that what I am today isn't all I can be and even though at times it seems impossible it really isn't. As impatient as I am it sucks because it seems the keys to this life are faith and patience. So how do you grow these things? How do you get what you don't have? I opened up my Bible today for the first time in weeks. It felt like I had opened up a textbook......I knew the tests of life were coming but i hadn't been to class in so long. Even though it was an open book test I didn't know where to begin to find the answers. I held the Bible close to me hoping that if maybe I pressed hard enough the info I desperatly needed would be imprinted on my heart....it DOESN"T work like that. What was imprinted was the fact that I must change. Choosing to remain the same is dangerous and not only dangerous but dumb like slow dancing in a burning room........
Friday, October 24, 2008
The Economy
The economy is a sick old lady trying to cross the street
Politicians walking fast past her looking at their feet
Acting like they don't know what to do
I'm on a bull horn yelling try something new
Acting on greed and self interest just won't do
Think of me the voter think of me the toter of America's woes
What do we do next politician you telling me you don't know
Well I think first our relationship needs some balance
It feels like I'm the giver and you're the taker
It feels like I bake all day while you stack the cake
I'm an involuntary philanthropist
My life an ongoing good deed
I work for cheap so you can get what you need for cheaper
I sow the sweat while you're the real reaper
I live check to check
While your assistant checks the arrival time of your personal jet
Is this right.......is this the American dream
The truth is America doesn't belong to us it belongs to the 10% at the top that own 90% of everything
Maybe its me maybe I don't understand principles like supply and demand
Or maybe I do I demand answers and you supply me with info that's irrelevant or just isn't true
The streets learned from Washington 24/7/365
On every corner of America pushing kilos of lies
Giving America no choice but to buy
I don't understand it
But i know things won't change because the masses will never demand it
In ignorance they've found bliss
I've come to realize the government doesn't give an eff if a couple of ants get pissed
Cause one man don't stop no show
Unless one man decides to blow
That's exactly what I intend to do
So lean close so I can blow that muzzle from your mouth
So you can speak your truth
Lean close so I can blow the veil the media has forced over your eyes
Lean close so I can blow out some of those deep rooted lies
Lean close so I can blow away some of that fear the government is trying to instill
I'm going in for the kill
I don't care if its a suicide mission
In living like this I'm missing
Missing out on life
I'd rather take a stand can't give into BigBrother with absolutely no fight
Politicians walking fast past her looking at their feet
Acting like they don't know what to do
I'm on a bull horn yelling try something new
Acting on greed and self interest just won't do
Think of me the voter think of me the toter of America's woes
What do we do next politician you telling me you don't know
Well I think first our relationship needs some balance
It feels like I'm the giver and you're the taker
It feels like I bake all day while you stack the cake
I'm an involuntary philanthropist
My life an ongoing good deed
I work for cheap so you can get what you need for cheaper
I sow the sweat while you're the real reaper
I live check to check
While your assistant checks the arrival time of your personal jet
Is this right.......is this the American dream
The truth is America doesn't belong to us it belongs to the 10% at the top that own 90% of everything
Maybe its me maybe I don't understand principles like supply and demand
Or maybe I do I demand answers and you supply me with info that's irrelevant or just isn't true
The streets learned from Washington 24/7/365
On every corner of America pushing kilos of lies
Giving America no choice but to buy
I don't understand it
But i know things won't change because the masses will never demand it
In ignorance they've found bliss
I've come to realize the government doesn't give an eff if a couple of ants get pissed
Cause one man don't stop no show
Unless one man decides to blow
That's exactly what I intend to do
So lean close so I can blow that muzzle from your mouth
So you can speak your truth
Lean close so I can blow the veil the media has forced over your eyes
Lean close so I can blow out some of those deep rooted lies
Lean close so I can blow away some of that fear the government is trying to instill
I'm going in for the kill
I don't care if its a suicide mission
In living like this I'm missing
Missing out on life
I'd rather take a stand can't give into BigBrother with absolutely no fight
People Watched
Have you ever sat in one spot and people watched
Watched and wondered
Sat and pondered
What the stranger walking by is going through
Wishing for even a second you could slide in their shoes
See their struggles
Find out what they knew
See what they believe is true and what they deem false
See what beliefs they hold dear and which ones they toss
I people watch
Till I take a look at my watch and realize somewhere along the way I became lost in my thoughts
Comparing and contrasting
The simplest characteristics like the way a person walks
Trying to judge if their walk is related to their thoughts
Are their minds racing as fast as their feet as they speed walk to class
Is their mind moving in Slo Mo as they leisurely stroll pass
Is the frustration in their face produced by thoughts of stress
Do they serve my God are they at thins moment thanking him for being blessed
I people watch until I stop to see the people are watching me
We meet eyes hoping in vain to see what the other sees
.....................I like people watching especially when I have a lot on my mind. It is sooo easy to waste time and escape my thoughts by pondering the mind of another. I can't think about me while I'm thinking about you.
Watched and wondered
Sat and pondered
What the stranger walking by is going through
Wishing for even a second you could slide in their shoes
See their struggles
Find out what they knew
See what they believe is true and what they deem false
See what beliefs they hold dear and which ones they toss
I people watch
Till I take a look at my watch and realize somewhere along the way I became lost in my thoughts
Comparing and contrasting
The simplest characteristics like the way a person walks
Trying to judge if their walk is related to their thoughts
Are their minds racing as fast as their feet as they speed walk to class
Is their mind moving in Slo Mo as they leisurely stroll pass
Is the frustration in their face produced by thoughts of stress
Do they serve my God are they at thins moment thanking him for being blessed
I people watch until I stop to see the people are watching me
We meet eyes hoping in vain to see what the other sees
.....................I like people watching especially when I have a lot on my mind. It is sooo easy to waste time and escape my thoughts by pondering the mind of another. I can't think about me while I'm thinking about you.
Monday, October 20, 2008
My safety net
HE was my safety net
As long as I had him I knew that if I fell there would be something to break my fall
But a net isn't what I needed although its what I desired for too long
As time continued on I realized I could never fall into a new love with my safety net remaining
The only choices I had were to cut the threads of the net or choose to never fall and the thought of never falling didn't fly with me at all
So today i cut the threads thinking I would feel liberated
Instead I'm scared shitless mind drifting over my decision making
Body not understanding why its heart feels like its breaking
Deep down I know it was the right choice
Beyond these tear filled eyes and moist cheeks I see
The decision won't leave me weak but strong
Another day with the net remaining would have only been wrong
I lovED him the key being the fact i didn't say love I said lovED so today
I leave my net in the past tense to stay
As long as I had him I knew that if I fell there would be something to break my fall
But a net isn't what I needed although its what I desired for too long
As time continued on I realized I could never fall into a new love with my safety net remaining
The only choices I had were to cut the threads of the net or choose to never fall and the thought of never falling didn't fly with me at all
So today i cut the threads thinking I would feel liberated
Instead I'm scared shitless mind drifting over my decision making
Body not understanding why its heart feels like its breaking
Deep down I know it was the right choice
Beyond these tear filled eyes and moist cheeks I see
The decision won't leave me weak but strong
Another day with the net remaining would have only been wrong
I lovED him the key being the fact i didn't say love I said lovED so today
I leave my net in the past tense to stay
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