Big

even when I tell myself not to think about you I do
I wonder if you being constant in my thoughts means my feelings are true
other women in your life got me feelin like I'm in competition
it ain't me I don't compete I dismiss them
take myself off the scene let you make a decision
1st day I haven't talked to you in a minute
hope you think about your day and miss me in it
sittin here thinkin about what happens if you don't
wondering if I'm hoping in vain for something that won't...happen
does the possibility of an us weigh heavy on your phsyce
some nights I lay in bed and my thoughts fight me
I have to get up, get my pen, and get to writing
the only thing that brings sleep
is knowing what's for me is for me
if we're meant to be then we'll be
can't think of a time in my life where the end result hasn't been the best thing

How are you?

I hate when people casually ask me How are you?....I always lie and give one of the expected answers..I'm fine...Doing good...Great..Good...OK...Alright...etc.. etc.. the list goes on you get the picture. I wish every time someone asked me How are you I could just give an honest answer.......
You ask how are you but you don't really care
You want a light fluffy answer like the clouds in the air
What would you say if I said (insert your name) I'm scared
Scared of the future and scared of right now
Scared I'm making mistakes and i don't know how
Scared cause I feel and can't always explain it
Scared of a new relationship because I know there will be pain in it
Scared that I'll never be good enough for me
Scared I'll never reach the potential others see
Scared that I'll never experience love
Scared my actions will leave me below and not above
Scared that He won't say my servant well done
Scared that when He says "Be Still" I'll involuntarily run
Scared that my degree won't jump start my career
Scared that I'll be afraid to try bounded by fear
Scared that fear of failure will keep me from success
Scared I'm not good enough not even my best
Scared of the saying "everything good must come to an end"
Scared of the end before we begin
Scared I'll get what I want but it won't be what I need
Scared I won't find my version of the American dream
Scared that when you ask How are you I'll never be able to answer honestly

Love's Chances

As much as it hurts I knew we had the same chances maintaining a relationship as I did finding a four leaf clover
Reason and logic tell us that the chances of finding a true love are far and few in between
Yet and still it hurt a true pain when reason and or relationship collided
If I ever walk down Love's aisle again I'll read the warning label twice before I buy it
I'll inspect it twice before I try it
Because I realize you get no refunds no money back
You can try to fix it but you'll probably end up throwing it in the back of the closet with other stuff that broke before you could predict the end was coming
I guess I have that midget love syndrome
My capacity for Love's growth is super stunted
I can't fall deep enough too shallow my conscious won't allow it
Flings are predictable so with them my vision is clouded
They aren't filling though
So hungry I crave for more
But even when it looks good I'm scared to eat
Wondering if the love won't just fill me but somehow leave me morbidly obese
Even more than getting too full I'm scared you'll leave
Somehow no longer pleased with what you see in me
Scared I'll find my pride bent and on my knees I'll beg that you don't go
Karma real and long fetching
When love became my guest I showed it to the door
Now I sit petrified the same will happen to me